Being an Elite Athlete Ruined My Life…

I often say that being an elite athlete has ruined my life in more ways than one.

The whispers running through my brain even as I type this are evidence that my thoughts are still shaped by the standards created in that space. Let me expand; my instant thought was “you weren’t an elite athlete, don’t exaggerate.” 

The reality of my sports experience is a story of never measuring up to expectations. Expectations that were created in my own head from the perceived thoughts of the people closest to me. 

I was a high school All-American in football. I was recruited by every school in the country. I was blessed in a way to be able to play D1; a feat accomplished by less than 3 percent of the demographic. On top of that, I played in the SEC, regarded by many as the top conference in the top division. With all of that in mind, my brain won’t let me be satisfied with my accomplishments.

Why?

Because I am like a dog at the races, I am chasing a rabbit that I will never catch. I pursue a definition of success that is constantly moving further and further from me because I am responsible for the constantly reworked accepted meaning. I have no accountability for the frequency of modification.
 

I have done a lot of introspection around this concept because truthfully, there isn’t a part of my life that isn’t tainted by the pervasiveness of its toxicity.

What used to be my medicine now kills me slowly!

It reaches into my view of self with a heavy hand, many a fight with my wife has been rooted out of the core belief that no matter how much I do…how could you love me? It is a matter of fact that I haven’t done enough to prove to you that I am worth it. Or depending on the day, why won’t you recognize all of the trivial tasks that I have done for you, what do you mean you don’t love me more for all of the things I do for you. I am a father now and I am still waiting in unfortunate expectancy for the achiever mentality to rear its head in my parenting style. 

I have been given the honor of writing for Jonathan over the next couple of weeks and I am going to spend a week talking about each of the aforementioned. In addition to my writing, I also created the art and graphics for each post!

I have had my butt kicked over the last few years learning lessons around my worth separate from sport but the process has been daunting, to say the least. And truthfully is ongoing, I am of the belief that it will be something that I will be actively opposing for the rest of my life, that is largely influenced by a eating disorder that I developed during my time spent as a “student-athlete”, but that is a topic for another blog post.

I hope that the words that I pen will in some way provide value to you in such a way that I put purpose to my pain and help you avoid some of the storms that I walked bullishly headfirst into. 

Until next week.

Mitch