Have you ever been lied to?
“If you tell the truth you don’t need a good memory.”
Mark Twain
Have you ever been lied to as an athlete? Whether a coach stringing you along during pre-season or at the possibility of a scholarship or a telling you something about your play that wasn’t true to get you to do something they wanted you to do.
When we are lied to, there is a sense of manipulation, deception, shame, anger, and a myriad of other emotions. No matter how much we desire sport and life to be true, there are broken people in places of authority that lie or deceive in order to get what they want.
When it comes to the value or significance of you (the athlete and the human), there are 3 common lies that I have experienced and observed over the years in sport and life.
- You are what you do – your performance.
- You are what you own – your possessions.
- You are what others say about you – social media, data, scouts, coaches, teammates.
What these lies communicate is that your value and significance are based upon these three lies or myths.
If you perform well, then you are valuable. If you have luxury items, houses, cars, clothing line then you have significance. If other people in your field, sport, or proximity say you are good then you must be good. Or the adverse, if you have little to no value then you must have little to no value.
The lies keep coming!
So how do you combat, and yes I am serious about combatting, these lies. Because you can not engage softly with these lies, you need to go hard at them!
Why you should understand your standard!
What do excellence and success look like for you? Don’t get me wrong, I understand that there are metrics and data that are used to measure wins, losses, and success. But when it comes to identity, value, and significance; when we determine those by wins, losses, batting averages, shooting percentages, you label the value and significance of the human by their performance rather than the fact that they are a human!
In the book, The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse, Charles Mackesy writes about the conversation between these four characters. In one scene the boy is talking to the mole and asks, “‘What do you think success is?’ asked the boy. “To love.” says the mole.”
How would you have responded and answered that question – what do you think success is?
When we are all-in our sport and competition, there is a jading effect to what is success and excellence. We see our world through the rose-colored glasses of wins, losses, money, contracts, stats, social media and those become the determining factor to our value and significance.
Time to call out the lies, acknowledge them, and replace them by discovering the truth!
Who you are is not defined by your performance, possessions, or other peoples’ opinions!
Key essentials to combat against the lies:
- What is your standard? What does success look like for you?
- What are your positive core beliefs, your foundational truths?
- Base your identity on something that can’t be taken away from you and write it down and keep it visible for yourself.
Don’t buy into the lies, when we know the truth, the truth will set you free!
Jonathan